Bleeding out? Now you have more options to choose from!
Deciding which health care provider to attend has been made even more confusing by the advent of urgent care clinics.
So why not take our fun and informative quiz which has been designed to help healthcare consumers navigate through this difficult process?
- You develop crushing central chest pain and your wife tells you you’re as white as a sheet. Do you:
A. Attend general practice
B. Call an ambulance
C. Drop in at your local bulk-billing urgent care clinic
D. Vomit everywhere and pass out, effectively letting your wife make the important decisions for you
2. Your wrist is sore after changing the toner at work. Do you:
A. Book a non-urgent appointment with your GP
B. Book an urgent appointment with your GP because you’re the only one in the office who can change the toner
C. Wait for 8 hours in the emergency department only to be told that you must be some kind of arsehole and that you should have just booked an appointment with your GP
D. Go to your local urgent care clinic
3. You have decided to dye your hair black because you read somewhere that “Goth” is making a comeback. Unfortunately you are allergic to some of the ingredients in the hair dye and your head swells up to three times its normal size, leaving your brand new gothic haircut perched on top of your scalp like some kind of weird little hat. Do you:
A. Visit your GP
B. Go to the emergency department
C. Visit your local urgent care clinic
D. Scare everyone witless on the bus as you can travel down to the shop where you bought the hair dye from so you can make a formal complaint to the manager about your freakishy large head.
4. You believe yourself to be quite handy with a power tool. Unfortunately you have just severed two of your fingers with your brand new electric jigsaw. Do you:
A. Put your fingers in a sandwich bag and attend as a walk-in at your local GP clinic
B. Head strait to the emergency department like some kind of have-a-go hero
C. Attend the local urgent care clinic
D. Pop down to Bunnings and buy some Araldite so you can stick them back on yourself. How hard can it be??
5. Your wife has looked through your Google search history and discovered that you’ve managed to watch over 13,000 hours of porn. You tell her it’s because you’re researching a book, about porn. She’s now demanding that you see someone about it. Do you:
A. Book an appointment with your GP
B. Attend the emergency department. You’re in for a long wait so better take some porn with you
C. Go to your local urgent care clinic
D. Check your eyesight at a local optometrist. Apparently it can make you go blind.
6. You are cleaning out your guttering at home when a gust of wind blows you off your ladder. You fall onto a cast iron railing at the front of your property and one of the railings penetrates your chest, narrowly missing your aorta and is now sticking out of your back. Do you:
A. Ask a passer by to kindly cut the railing off at the base with your electric jigsaw so you can visit your GP later that afternoon
B. Let out an ungodly and bloodcurdling scream
C. Visit your podiatrist who you have always enjoyed a good relationship with
D. Call your chiropractor
E. Go to ED
7. You and your partner are attending a Star Wars conference. It’s the last day of the conference and you’ve hit the minibar. Your cosplay enthusiast partner is dressed up like Princess Leia in Return of the Jedi so you decide to follow the cliche through to its natural end by dipping your penis in fluorescent green paint so you can switch off the lights and pretend you’re wielding a formidable light sabre. Instead you get contact dermatitis and find yourself in a world of cos-pain. Do you:
A. Visit your GP
B. Phone your friend who used to be a nurse
C. Drink the rest of the minibar and hope for the best
D. Go straight to the ED
Answers: Haha. Nobody knows!
